why have i been avoiding this??

okay, for some reason i've been avoiding this post. why? i have no idea. maybe it's because i'm still a little bit sad about it. maybe because it's a little private and i didn't want to over-share with you all. or maybe it's because deep-down i felt a little guilty. whatever the reason, here i am, ready to share with you. this post is dedicated to my wonderful, happy, perfect little baby boy, maxson.

remember in my last post how i told you maxson wasn't gaining weight? well we were fortunate enough to see a specialist to figure out what was going on. he had a bunch of blood work done and everything came back normal (yay!) so it's not a genetic problem. the doctor examined him, said everything looks fine with his organs and his height and head are following his growth curve. so what's up with his weight? here's where i get frustrated. at his six month appointment, when i saw his "percentile" drop from 90th to 36th in weight, i asked his pediatrician "should I be worried?" "could something be wrong with my milk? not the supply, but the actual MILK?' NO he said. your milk is perfect. skinny babies are healthy babies. don't worry that he's not chunky. ok. I accepted his answer. but in the back of my mind, i was worried. i didn't really get a good answer as to why he hadn't gained weight in two months. but i let it go and tried not to be too paranoid.

then, the beginning of january when maxson and i got a really bad cold, he started to really look skinny. i mean SKINNY. like 3rd world status. i was super sick too and so we started giving him formula to supplement. that night, he was up all night crying and broke out in a rash all over his body. we took him to the clinic. i asked again, should i be worried? could he be lactose intolerant? could there be something wrong with my milk? NO the clinician said. it's okay that he's skinny. your milk is PERFECT. the rash is probably just a manifestation of his virus. don't worry about it. the clinic doctor said he couldn't give me answers on his weight because he didn't have his health history. so i let it go for the time being. but i was worried! i was constantly stressed out about it. is my baby dying right in front of my eyes? why is he looking so gauntly and skinny? what is this rash? WHAT IS GOING ON! so finally, i put my foot down. i demanded to see someone who could give me real answers. i set up an appointment with his pediatrician. the pediatrician FINALLY recognized that something was wrong and that it's not normal for a baby to go from the 90th percentile to the 5th. he realized he was in over his head. he sent me to the specialist.

a week later, i was able to see the specialist. here's the kicker!!! she said "have you pumped your milk lately and let it settle?" NO! i had not done this. she was the first person to suggest this. she told me to go home, pump milk, and let it settle in the fridge overnight. if the milk doesn't settle into at least 30% cream, my milk isn't creamy enough and maxson is basically just getting water with vitamins and antibodies. she also said maxson is lactose intolerant and so the formula was really upsetting his stomach and he's not able to absorb any of the nutrients from it. she told me to put him on alimentum, a hypo-allergenic formula. we scheduled a follow up appointment for a week later. HOORAY! i was so pleased by having gotten some real answers. I went home and pumped, and lo and behold, MY MILK HAD ONLY A SKIM LAYER OF CREAM!! it was ALL water. I had no idea this was even possible...and apparently maxson's doctors didn't know either. we made the decision to slowly wean him and put him exclusively on the alimentum. the next week, he had gained a POUND! the doctor was absolutely THRILLED. since his lowest low when he was sick, he's gained almost three pounds. in three weeks! i couldn't be happier.

it's literally like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. i don't feel like i'm standing by while my baby is dying! and let me tell you, maxson is so much more alert and active and strong it's unbelievable. i thought he was a happy, smart baby before! but it's made a huge difference. after about a week of nursing twice a day, he went down to once and day, and now, he's not even interested in nursing. this makes me sad, because nursing is such a bonding experience, but just knowing he's getting all of the nutrients he needs and to visibly see his thighs get fat rolls makes it all worth it. the doctor said most babies grow out of their lactose intolerance, which i really hope he does, but for now, no cheese or yogurt for our little guy. this has been such a learning experience! i know now to trust my instincts, to not be afraid of being a little bit paranoid and annoying the doctors, and that doctors don't always know everything. I'm so thankful for the specialist doctor we were able to see. she has made me a much happier mamma!

sorry this was so long!
happy weekend!

kayla